Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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