apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize