Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize