Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
