No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
