Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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