I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
