The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
