so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
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