I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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