I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
