you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize