By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh god it's open bar.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
