so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
