fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
