is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
