I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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