Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
