sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
