The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
