this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
