Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
