My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
