no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
