i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want a musical about memes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
