whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
