Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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