my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
