is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
