It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
