JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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