im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
