i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
