dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
