i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
