barbara walters just said penis...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
