No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
