Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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