You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
