Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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