so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
