when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
