That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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