Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
