I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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