dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
