how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
