I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
