4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize