I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
