I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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