No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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