Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize