how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
