it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize