my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
