Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
