I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
