the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
