shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
