I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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