I'm eating all of the evidence.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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