so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
