How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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