just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
